As America's Financial Institutions crumble, it's economy takes a dump the size of Karl Rove's head, and Mortgage Foreclosures soar, we find Vapid McStupid, and Carrie McChristian, two middle class, Minivan driving, QVC-Clad Soccer Moms, enjoying an afternoon of shopping, dishing the dirt, and compelling Political discussion, over a couple of Venti Soy Chai's at the local Java The Cup......
Vapid McStupid:
"Like, OH EM GEE, aren't her glasses THE CUTEST things you've ever SEEN!?"
Carrie McChristian:
"OH EM GEE.....they are like....SO ADORABLE!"
VM:
"Isn't it totally rad that like, a woman, could like, be, like, PrEzIdUnT someday, I mean, like men think that THEY are the only ones qualified to lead!"
CM:
"Totally...my nail technician Barbie, is like TOTALLY into her...she said she'll have THE BEST HAIR EVER to be, like on the head of someone who like, LIVES in the White House!"
VM:
"Really! I'm am getting sooooo tired of all these like really smart people saying that she's TOTALLY not qualified to be Vice President. I mean, like she was a Mayor or something, right?
CM:
"Yeah, she's like the Governor or something of the ENTIRE COUNTRY of Alaska!"
VN:
"The WHOLE COUNTRY of Alaska? KEWL! I thinks it's SOOO sweet that she like, isn't letting her daughter get an abortion, I mean yeah...Bristol is gonna have like really bad stretch marks and stuff, but like...she has a built in HUSBAND already!'
CM:
"Awesome, she'll never have to cruise the bars and stuff like we did, she already has a man, and he's like got a job and stuff!! I think he works at the Sip 'n Suck making shakes!"
VM:
"That's kewl...at least he's got a job. I mean, ok....he did cut the brake lines on a School Bus, and that could have been like...TOTALLY bad if it had like, crashed or something, but kids will be kids...it's not like he shot someone in the face or something really dumb like that"
CM:
"Totally, I just wish people would leave her alone...there is actually a chance to have a WOMAN in the White House, I mean....finally someone I can identify with!"
VM:
"Yeah, I mean...like....I've totally had like Jungle Fever at times....I'd do Denzel Washington in a MINUTE, but like, I can't identify with that Obama guy. I mean, like, he totally went to like Harvard, and my Husband told me that that makes him an East Coast Liberal Elitist who we can't identify with, and that's like sooo true, he is like WAY too smart for me....I can't understand A WORD he says about like the econo...ecmon....econmo.....like money and stuff.....he just thinks he's so smart!"
CM:
"I know, that's why I like Sarah Palin and that old dude she's running with, they don't talk about ANY of that stuff!! I'm sick of hearing about War stuff and like budget deficits, and education, it's so depressing!!"
VM:
"Really...ugh....that Obama guy is always talking about stuff that needs to be fixed, and "making things better"...what could be better than a woman in the White House that wears cute GLASSES!?
CM:
"It'll be like so cool if she gets elected. She's gonna make our schools teach kids that they were created!! Isn't that awesome? I mean, my Brother TOTALLY looks like a Monkey, but PUH--LEEZ!"
VM:
"Yeah, and she'll like TOTALLY make that Librarian at school that I hate so much, get rid of all those icky books that I hate!" Who reads all that intellectual mumbo-jumbo anyway.....Sara Palin likes HARLEQUINS!"
CM:
"Gawd, that'll be AWESOME....now we can force our kids to read what Sarah thinks is best for them...that'll like make my job SO MUCH easier....I'll have time to shop for more glasses and go get a new Palin-Do every week!"
VM:
"OH EM GEE...this is gonna be like the BEST COUNTRY EVER!"
CM:
"I know, it'll like totally suck if that black dude wins, then I'll have to pay attention to my kids, rather than let the President and Vice President teach them about religion and tell them what is acceptable reading....I mean like....being a parent is HARD....it's so much easier when my Government and my Church tells me how to do things....then I have more time to shop...YAY!"
VM:
"My husband says that if that Obama guy wins, Schools will be teaching my kids how to be gay! I mean, I don't totally hate gay people, I had a totally lesbian friend once, but my husband told me I shouldn't be friends with her anymore because a guy he works with at Fox News told him that another guy he knows once told him that Karl Rove said that gays are trying to convert all children into like.....Gaydom or something, and that isn't cool. I mean, if you want to tie a gay person to a fence in Wyoming and beat them to death, isn't it like in the Constitution or something that it's okay?"
CM:
"Ummm...I guess...I think that's the Freedom To Choose thing I always hear about on that weird station on my car radio...they always talk like really smart people too...just like Obama does...it's like...NPR or something"
VM:
"Well, anyway, I totally have to run....I have a tanning session at 1:00, I'm having my lips plumped at 1:45, my spider veins injected with "Invisa-Gel" youth serum at 2:15, The Ann Coulter book signing at 3:00.....and....oh SHIT!!!......like I'm totally supposed to take my daughter to a "Let's Put A Vagina In The White House At Any Cost" Rally over at my Church, "The Divine Order of Hypocrisy and Total Unmitgated Bullshit" at 4:00!!! Can you pick her up for me???"
CM:
"Sure sweetie.....the nanny is taking care of my kids today....I'll be happy to pick her up for you, but I have to call first....I just want to make sure that the housekeeper took my little angel to her "abstinence-only" sex-ed class, BEFORE she takes her to the OB-GYN for her ultrasound....I'm gonna be a good Mom and make sure my 13 year old's baby is healthy!"
VM:
"Okay...you're a doll...thanks.....and GUURRLL POWER!!!"
Vapid McStupid:
"Like, OH EM GEE, aren't her glasses THE CUTEST things you've ever SEEN!?"
Carrie McChristian:
"OH EM GEE.....they are like....SO ADORABLE!"
VM:
"Isn't it totally rad that like, a woman, could like, be, like, PrEzIdUnT someday, I mean, like men think that THEY are the only ones qualified to lead!"
CM:
"Totally...my nail technician Barbie, is like TOTALLY into her...she said she'll have THE BEST HAIR EVER to be, like on the head of someone who like, LIVES in the White House!"
VM:
"Really! I'm am getting sooooo tired of all these like really smart people saying that she's TOTALLY not qualified to be Vice President. I mean, like she was a Mayor or something, right?
CM:
"Yeah, she's like the Governor or something of the ENTIRE COUNTRY of Alaska!"
VN:
"The WHOLE COUNTRY of Alaska? KEWL! I thinks it's SOOO sweet that she like, isn't letting her daughter get an abortion, I mean yeah...Bristol is gonna have like really bad stretch marks and stuff, but like...she has a built in HUSBAND already!'
CM:
"Awesome, she'll never have to cruise the bars and stuff like we did, she already has a man, and he's like got a job and stuff!! I think he works at the Sip 'n Suck making shakes!"
VM:
"That's kewl...at least he's got a job. I mean, ok....he did cut the brake lines on a School Bus, and that could have been like...TOTALLY bad if it had like, crashed or something, but kids will be kids...it's not like he shot someone in the face or something really dumb like that"
CM:
"Totally, I just wish people would leave her alone...there is actually a chance to have a WOMAN in the White House, I mean....finally someone I can identify with!"
VM:
"Yeah, I mean...like....I've totally had like Jungle Fever at times....I'd do Denzel Washington in a MINUTE, but like, I can't identify with that Obama guy. I mean, like, he totally went to like Harvard, and my Husband told me that that makes him an East Coast Liberal Elitist who we can't identify with, and that's like sooo true, he is like WAY too smart for me....I can't understand A WORD he says about like the econo...ecmon....econmo.....like money and stuff.....he just thinks he's so smart!"
CM:
"I know, that's why I like Sarah Palin and that old dude she's running with, they don't talk about ANY of that stuff!! I'm sick of hearing about War stuff and like budget deficits, and education, it's so depressing!!"
VM:
"Really...ugh....that Obama guy is always talking about stuff that needs to be fixed, and "making things better"...what could be better than a woman in the White House that wears cute GLASSES!?
CM:
"It'll be like so cool if she gets elected. She's gonna make our schools teach kids that they were created!! Isn't that awesome? I mean, my Brother TOTALLY looks like a Monkey, but PUH--LEEZ!"
VM:
"Yeah, and she'll like TOTALLY make that Librarian at school that I hate so much, get rid of all those icky books that I hate!" Who reads all that intellectual mumbo-jumbo anyway.....Sara Palin likes HARLEQUINS!"
CM:
"Gawd, that'll be AWESOME....now we can force our kids to read what Sarah thinks is best for them...that'll like make my job SO MUCH easier....I'll have time to shop for more glasses and go get a new Palin-Do every week!"
VM:
"OH EM GEE...this is gonna be like the BEST COUNTRY EVER!"
CM:
"I know, it'll like totally suck if that black dude wins, then I'll have to pay attention to my kids, rather than let the President and Vice President teach them about religion and tell them what is acceptable reading....I mean like....being a parent is HARD....it's so much easier when my Government and my Church tells me how to do things....then I have more time to shop...YAY!"
VM:
"My husband says that if that Obama guy wins, Schools will be teaching my kids how to be gay! I mean, I don't totally hate gay people, I had a totally lesbian friend once, but my husband told me I shouldn't be friends with her anymore because a guy he works with at Fox News told him that another guy he knows once told him that Karl Rove said that gays are trying to convert all children into like.....Gaydom or something, and that isn't cool. I mean, if you want to tie a gay person to a fence in Wyoming and beat them to death, isn't it like in the Constitution or something that it's okay?"
CM:
"Ummm...I guess...I think that's the Freedom To Choose thing I always hear about on that weird station on my car radio...they always talk like really smart people too...just like Obama does...it's like...NPR or something"
VM:
"Well, anyway, I totally have to run....I have a tanning session at 1:00, I'm having my lips plumped at 1:45, my spider veins injected with "Invisa-Gel" youth serum at 2:15, The Ann Coulter book signing at 3:00.....and....oh SHIT!!!......like I'm totally supposed to take my daughter to a "Let's Put A Vagina In The White House At Any Cost" Rally over at my Church, "The Divine Order of Hypocrisy and Total Unmitgated Bullshit" at 4:00!!! Can you pick her up for me???"
CM:
"Sure sweetie.....the nanny is taking care of my kids today....I'll be happy to pick her up for you, but I have to call first....I just want to make sure that the housekeeper took my little angel to her "abstinence-only" sex-ed class, BEFORE she takes her to the OB-GYN for her ultrasound....I'm gonna be a good Mom and make sure my 13 year old's baby is healthy!"
VM:
"Okay...you're a doll...thanks.....and GUURRLL POWER!!!"
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