Tell me lies

What comes mind when you think of the word "lie?" Oh, I know it's a slow Sunday, but kick your hamsters in the butt and get them on the wheel for a few seconds to humor me, m'kay?Let's talk about lies for a minute. Lying. You're called to the carpet on something. You came home late because you ran into an ex, and the two of you ended up having drinks at the bar for old time's sake, and now it's one in the morning and you're just dragging home. Holy moley, this won't fly! So where were you, anyway? The mind quickly dreams up some load of bullshit and processes it as: Load of shit --> Mouth --> Big Whopper. Uh ... you were at a friend's house. She's having problems with her boyfriend and needed a shoulder to cry on, so the two of you ... er, drank a lot of vodka tonics and commiserated. Next you wall yourself in the bathroom, run a bubble bath, and covertly call said friend on her cell phone asking her to cover and praying she'll pick up the message before morning. Whoa, that lie took some effort, didn't it? But I submit to you, gentle readers, that it's the lies that we don't tell, the lies of omission, that are the biggest lies of all. Take the topic of money -- any financial issue. Easy just to not say anything about that. But once you get involved with someone, and particularly after you marry them, this is gonna be the easiest lie to find out. Easy-peasy. Ever see that funny t.v. commercial about credit scores featuring the guy and his new wife living in Dad's basement because he married her not knowing she had a crappy credit rating and now they can't get a place of their own? Yes. It happens. Within a month after marrying Ex-Husband Part Une, the phone was ringing. Creditors of all colors and stripes. American Express, Visa, Mastercard, Diner's Club (who has Diner's Club anyway?). The worst were the collections agencies that took over his delinquent accounts. Obnoxious as hell. Caller I.D. was of no help -- creditors blocked their incoming numbers. This nonsense went on nonstop until I negotiated small payments to keep them off our backs. And the people I know wonder why I have an aversion to telephones ...Tax status. Past and current indebtedness to the I.R.S. Another huge honkin' lie of omission. Jeebus, people, I almost don't even want to tell you about this. Suffice it to say that people with dicey credit are probably going to be on the federal government's hit list as well. And if you marry them, you inherit those tax liabilities. The I.R.S. freezes spousal assets, did you know that? Anything they suspect might be community property is theirs for the taking. Here's a game women play. Their husband or live-in asks them not to charge anything because money is tight. But oh, Foleys is having its Red Apple sale! So they go to town with the plastic, stash the goods waaaaay back in the closet, and intercept the bill when it comes at the end of the month. A lie of omission if I've ever seen one. Then you have people with Cristal tastes but a Corona budget, those who live far beyond their means and don't tell you. I dated a guy who, during our courtship, took me to really elite restaurants, the kind most couples only frequent on special occasions, like birthdays and anniversaries. I netted more than he at the time, and even I couldn't afford that; so I wondered where he got the money. Um ... guess who couldn't pay his home note the next month? Guess who loaned him money to bail his ass out? Guess who never got paid back? His rationale was, "I bought you all those expensive dinners." What kind of Silly Straw logic is that? It's not like I insisted. If I'd known I was going to be vicariously picking up a $200 sushi tab, we would have been meeting for coffee at Seattle's Best. It was a rah!-win! situation for him, but my "emergency" account was depleted. Lies of omission can eat away at a relationship like a mystery disease. Peter and Wendy start dating, then eventually go exclusive. Yet lingering around the sidelines is Peter's "gal pal," Tink. Whenever Tink is in proximity of the couple, she gives Wendy the evil eye and is downright rude to her. Wendy is perpetually scratching her head, wondering why Tink would act this way. But what Wendy doesn't know is that while she and Peter were in the dating process, Peter and Tink had been been going at it like gangbusters. For him, it was a fuckbuddy situation. But Tink wanted more, and Peter intuitively knew this. Now Peter doesn't want to tell Wendy the whole story -- he knows she'll insist he give up his "friendship" with Tink. And he wants to keep Tink around. Things with Wendy might not work, and if that happens, he doesn't want to alienate a tried-n-true fuckbuddy. Peter is just So. Very. Fucked. And so he doesn't tell the whole truth.But some people fail to tell the truth about much worse than that, don't they? You have those most loathesome brand of cheaters, those who simply fail to mention that they're married or have a significant other. I don't think they withhold this information to avoid feeling the extra guilt; it's just that your pool of potential fuckees increases exponentially if said pool thinks that you live in a one-bedroom apartment with a cat as your only company. Also, this eliminates the possibility of someone ratting you out, at least until you get caught in this particular omitted lie. Because, as I've told you and told you ... the Other Woman ALWAYS tells.There are your touchy areas. While I was with my last ex, a former boyfriend from the distant past kept calling. And calling. Of course I responded to none of the calls. But I did tell my then-significant other about the problem the first time it happened. He had the right to know. But what about the subsequent phone calls? Was I obligated to tell my then-S.O. each time a certain number registered on my caller i.d.? That would have sent up red flags in anyone's mind that I was perhaps still engaged with the guy. But the truth was, the blast from the past never caught a clue. What else is there not to tell? She has a permanent restraining order filed against her for stalking an ex's new girlfriend. He has herpes outbreaks. She has a serious prescription drug problem -- actually, most people aren't going to tell you about any kind of addiction unless they're in recovery. He was fired from his last job for sexual harassment. See, there are many ways in which to "lie" without opening your mouth and uttering a contradictory statement. Knowing that people have the propensity to hide the nastier things about themselves, what's the answer, then? Do you Google the hell out of their name and see what comes up? Run a background check? Call their last ex and find out just exactly what went on there? I've been asked some really weird questions in the past by some of the men I've gone out with, indicating that they had some pretty bad experiences when it comes to lies of omission. I've asked if I'm delinquent on any bills. I've been asked my credit rating. I've been asked how much contact, if any, I have with my exes. I don't take issue, because I don't have anything to hide. What you see is what you get. But imagine if I did have something to hide -- what then? Once you put yourself out on the dating market, then, the answer is to lead a good life, an honest life that you can be proud of. Don't do anything that you might feel embarrassed about or that would upset a prospective long-term partner once revealed. Again, that old Golden Rule with a slight twist -- be the kind of person you expect them to be. Point being ... what's not said is often much more important than what actually is. In terms of lies that remain unspoken, I've heard some real doozies.